So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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