My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
