bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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