i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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