i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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