party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
