Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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