I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
