Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
