Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
