to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
