I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
