My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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