just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
