last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize