No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
