This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
