Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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