you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
