I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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