The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
