I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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