Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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