I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
