I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
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Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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