take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
