Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
