seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
