yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
