Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
