Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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