i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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