I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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