allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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