i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
