i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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