we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
