uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
