remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
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The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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