I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize