He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
