I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
