You're so nebulous sometimes
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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