So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
