i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
