Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
