Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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