One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
