ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
