yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
