took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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