I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
being pregnant is like rehab
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
