Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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