we need to drink 2009 down the drain
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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