I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
