Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
