Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
