My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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