At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
