a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
