Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
youre lurking in front of me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
