Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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