I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
