I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
