is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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